Uncle Sam (Movie Review)

I just saw a horror movie that seems to be fitting for election day. Somewhat. Even if I really couldn’t tell if the movie was pro-democracy or anti-democracy. Or even what the point was beyond making Uncle Sam (the “we want you” beloved character) into a horror movie monster. Honestly it seems like a movie idea that some people smoking a lot of pot came up with. To be fair, the original Uncle Sam is damn creepy looking so it’s not a huge stretch of the imagination but this took it way over the top. As usual there will be spoilers but this movie isn’t much worth your time anyway. Unless you are going to watch it while high. Then I imagine it’s really good. Unfortunately I did not watch it while stoned so I suffered a lot of agony.

screen-shot-2016-11-08-at-2-58-51-amBad acting aside, even if this movie was well acted it would have still been awful. There seems to be some weird, bipolar message of hating the troops as well as wanting to support them. Hating how people spit in the face of veterans but also spitting in the face of veterans by calling them all psycho. Except the Isaac Hayes character who I guess was a “real” soldier but he also seemed to be very anti-war. Not that I can blame a soldier who was in Vietnam for being anti-war AFTER the fact but, what the fuck was this movie trying to accomplish again?

In any case, it starts out with a man named Sam Harper dying in combat and his body screen-shot-2016-11-08-at-2-58-58-ambeing returned to his widow. Apparently she lives with her sister and her son and his name is Jodi. Which apparently is a boy’s name now? I dunno. So Jodi is obsessed with war and death and shit and he wants to be in the army, or military, or navy, or something. The Isaac Hayes character (who I’m just going to call Shaft) tells him not to go into war. He lost his leg in the war so he knows all about war. He also realizes this dumb little white boy isn’t going to listen to him anyway. Then there’s something about people not being “patriotic” and Jodi says he wishes that his Uncle Sam can come back and “kick the butts” of everyone who isn’t a “true American”.

screen-shot-2016-11-08-at-2-56-00-amOf course, being that this is a horror movie, that totally happens. He gets out of the coffin and steals back all his war medals and starts chopping off people’s heads and shit. One of the things I found really super hilarious was that a man who later went on to play George W. Bush in a sitcom called “That’s My Bush” was in this movie. Also a veteran, and he gets an axe to the face. I mean if they only knew what he’d become in a few years it would have been hilarious. The same guy also played Bush in a serious biopic about George W. Bush. No, seriously this guy looked insanely like George W. Bush. I think that was the role he was meant to have his entire life. thatsmybush-episode1

Anyway, like any slasher flick with no point, Uncle Sam (Get it ahahahaha) turns out to be a real psycho. Then they somewhat portray the message that all soldiers are psychos and overly celebrated for being psychotic. However, then, at the end, Isaac Hayes’ character saves everyone by using some kind of civil war canon. He does this by blowing up Uncle Sam and Jodi calls him a “Real soldier”. So apparently soldiers are as good as they are bad? Or all soldiers are bad except this real soldier? I really don’t know. A bunch of it is about teenage asshole kids defacing American shit and whatever. Then Uncle Sam murders them. The movie seems to be concerned with the fact that people don’t take war seriously any more while also screen-shot-2016-11-08-at-2-55-35-ammaking fun of war. I’m just so confused that I have no idea what I just watched.

In the end, it was just poorly done. Effects, acting, execution, editing, filming. I can’t disagree that Isaac Hayes is pretty fun to watch in just about anything, but even that didn’t save this movie from being the god awful mess that it was. Do yourself a favor and skip it unless you are super patriotic. Or….not patriotic. I really have no idea which group this movie was meant for.

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