Clown (movie review)

clown-poster-2014-jon-wattsClown was a movie from 2014 produced by Eli Roth. The guy that also did Hostel and Cabin Fever. The only two good movies by him I can think of that also weren’t an excuse for torture porn. I mean, he’s done more, but those are the two good ones. That is until Clown happened. He only produced it, though. The whole reason I even saw it was because I accidentally stumbled onto a YouTube trailer. It looked fucking awful, hands down. I wanted to watch it anyway because I love movies about freaky clowns. Lets just say I’m kind of surprised at how awful it wasn’t. As usual it won’t be a spoiler-free review so keep that in mind before heading further.

1I’m going to start by saying that this movie is pretty much a blatant rip off (or inspired by scenario) of an episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. I legit cannot see how this wasn’t inspired by that episode, like,at all. Especially since that episode would have come out way before this movie and the types of people to be associated with Eli Roth would be stoners and whatever that would watch the show. The episode is called The Clowning and has basically the same premise as this movie. Though, that show is meant to be funny this is a horror movie. Maybe a bit of dark humor. Depends on how you look at it. I’m waiting for someone to straight up admit that they were inspired by that show to make this. To be fair, they took the idea and turned it into something really fucking awesome but it’s totally from that.

Basically, the premise of this movie is that some guy puts on a clown suit but the suit is actually demon skin. Of a demon clown. A clown that had to kill a child and eat it for every month of winter. In the episode of ATHF the neighbor of the ATHF squad gets a hairpiece that effectively does the same shit. By the end of the episode Carl has turned into some fucked up looking clown monster and that’s what this suit does to the guy in the movie (wig included cause it pretty much just grows into his own hair).

He can’t take the suit off because the suit pretty much just becomes his skin. Through the andy-powers-actor-interview-movie-clown-3movie it is said that the only way to stop this from happening is to cut this dude’s head off. Which at first, he doesn’t believe (or want to do and I don’t blame him). Then he realizes that he’s going to have to eat and kill children and he’s like “Fuck that” and tries to shoot himself in the head. Which doesn’t work cause all that happens is some multicolor spatter of something on the wall behind him and then he wakes up.

Now this guy is going to to try to make a device to cut his own head off and buys some power saws and rigged them up. His wife, is looking for him, because she finally believes that he’s not lying about the suit. Meanwhile, there’s this one annoying ass kid who isn’t afraid of clowns. Like the one kid in the entire universe (other than Kent’s own son) and he keeps bugging Kent. As s he tries to cut his head off, shit goes wrong, the saw breaks, and the kid is some how killed though it wasn’t super obvious how he got in the apartment complex in the first place. Guess he just opened the door? Which doesn’t make sense as Kent was terrified of eating a kid and had the door locked but whatever. So his stomach growls and he eats the kid then his wife finds him and promises to help him.

bfc425a4f350b47278186e9363cee7f2Meanwhile there’s this maniac dude who knows all about the demon skin/clown suit. Apparently his brother wore it to cheer up kids in a cancer ward. Not sure how that would work because even when the suit doesn’t look like a damn demon skin it’s fucking creepy. Though I have a fear of clowns thanks to Stephen King and Tim Curry so maybe I’m biased. The wife goes to him but he is very chop happy and wants to kill Kent Clown by chopping off his head. He keeps saying he’s the only one that can help Kent and keeps trying to chop his head off and the wife keeps trusting him for some reason even though she doesn’t want to kill her husband. Lets face it, though, at this point anyone would just want to murder the shit out of him but I guess since she’s pregnant she thinks a demon clown daddy is better than no daddy at all. Oh and this isn’t even the demon’s final form yet and it’s STILL fucked up looking. They did an excellent job showing how the suit was basically becoming his skin. Great effects.

She brings Kent home and chains him up in the basement. He’s kind of gross looking but nothing overly horrifying. Then she fails to tell her son that he’s there cause hahahah why would you do that? He gets bullied at school and runs home and his dad is there and asks to be unchained (despite telling his wife not to unlock him no matter what he says). Kent gets out and goes to some Chuck-E-Cheese type place and murders the shit out of a bunch of kids. Which is actually a freaky scene despite the ridiculous sounding premise. Weirdo murder chop happy guy is with her and is still trying to kill Kent but at this point he’s a super strong demon and stops him. He tells the wife that she can have her husband back if she brings him a child. Which she stupidly tries to do but it doesn’t work because Kent goes after their son, Jack.

hqdefaultShe goes home where clown dad murders her own father and tries to go after her unborn baby and her son and chains him up in the basement by his neck. Apparently the crazy ass dude who originally owned the suit/skin wasn’t wrong about having to chop the head off to actually kill him cause nothing else works. She finally chops his head off, after still hesitating to kill him which would have been WAY less horrible had she cut his head off days before.

The story of the clown, they tell in this movie, seems to have been made specifically for this movie. However, it was seemingly good enough that I actually had to look it up to see if that was a real thing people believed and told (at some point). There seems to be no historical background for it. As in, no origin story other than this movie. Something about a nordic demon that would eat children but as time went on, the story evolved into a more jolly and fun creature and people forgot the demon was real. The only guy who knows it is, is the maniac that wanted to chop off Kent’s head since WAY before he really was demonic. He says he was keeping the skin because even to touch a small piece of it will transform someone. It’s even shown that the dog turns into a demon clown dog after eating the nose that was ripped off of Kent’s face early in the movie.

It ends with the shit having melted off of Kent and it’s in an evidence container, somewhere. Which leaves it open to a sequel. Which it probably won’t get seeing as how this wasn’t a huge movie to begin with. As ridiculous as this entire thing sounds (and I’m STILL sure it was inspired by the Aqua Teen Hunger Force episode) it’s actually good. Some how it kept my attention. The acting is really good for something this indie, even from the few kids that are in the movie. Actually, the only real cringey line delivery was from an adult near the end. I’d recommend it, and don’t regret seeing it. However, it’s pretty much solidified every reason why I fucking hate clowns.

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