Alien: Covenant (Review)

mv5bnzi5mzm3mzkxnf5bml5banbnxkftztgwotkymji4mti-_v1_ux182_cr00182268_al_I saw this movie and I found it relatively underwhelming and I also found myself cheering mostly for the aliens. It wasn’t a bad movie, I’ve seen far worse, but this one was confusing with too many characters and 99% of them were not even memorable (or likable). I’d recommend it, sure, because it was entertaining but was it a great movie? An epic sequel/prequel/whatever worthy of the Alien franchise name? I’m unsure. Stop reading here if you don’t wish to be spoiled.

The movie opens where you see Weyland and his first Andriod he ever created or well, one of them. I’m assuming the first? I dunno. They have a conversation and the android names himself David and plays something on the piano. Entrance to Valhalla. Then it moves to another ship. In the future. The Covenant. They are a pioneer ship looking to colonize some planet 7 years away from where they are. The crew is in suspended animation or cryosleep or whatever it’s called.

While trying to charge the ship there is a solar flare and the new android there, Walter, wakes up the crew. Or they are just automatically woken. One of them dies when the inside of his sleep pod catches on fire and they can’t get him out. Turns out he was the husband of the most main female character, Danny (short for her last name, Daniels, no first name given). At this point I’d like to note all the names of the characters I do remember and that’s not many. xempire_ac_page_71_crop_1-pagespeed-ic-4fj2evdoyh

Daniels, David, Walter, Tennessee, Dr. Shaw, and that’s about it. There was a problem of there being too many characters and not many of them stood out. There was also a lot of frantic action and panic in which characters got killed off far before you could even start to like them. Danny was annoying at first because of how whiny she was. Yes, I understand her husband was killed and she watched it happen but I dunno. It was annoying. It happened too fast and with too little background for me to really have empathy to her character or her loss.

When they are going to repair the charging sails unit, Tennessee gets a transmission from not too far and they recognize it as a John Denver song. They find a planet near there that is inhabitable and then debate on why they didn’t know about it before. Danny doesn’t want to go but doesn’t exactly have too much of a reason why. The new captain (since the other one died in the fire which I guess was Danny’s husband) wants to go there anyway. They also say something about him being religious so I assume Christian but they also never say, Christian. They also go out of their way to show another woman wearing a Jewish Star but never really bring up what that’s about or really get into depth on who she is. xempire_ac_page_70_crop-pagespeed-ic-ssht4qhtro

Danny’s objection is noted and they head to the new planet anyway since no one wants to get back into the pods. The crew lands in a storm and heads out to find the source of the transmission. Of course, the storm cuts off communication with the main ship temporarily. Two of the crew break off to take some samples of things but one of the guy steps on some pod and breaks up something and these things fly into his ear and make him sick. Well, impregnate him with some albino looking xenomorph. He starts to get sick so they have to head back.

The rest of the crew finds the source of the transmission but realizes it’s old and everyone is dead. One of the other guys accidentally steps on the same pod as the first dickhead and inhales the stuff and starts to get sick as well. The first sick guy gets back to the ship. The woman who is there is already panicking and eventually an alien bursts out of his back. It’s tiny. The woman who is with him, instead of stepping on it, which she totally could have given how small it was, freaks out and falls. It attacks her. The pilot, who is the one left, grabs a gun and starts wildly shooting at it until she hits something in the ship that blows it up. The albino xenomorph escapes but all the humans on that ship die. This happens just as the rest of the crew is returning.

alien-covenant-teaser-trailer-020At that point, the second infected guy dies as an alien bursts out of his mouth. It’s another one of those albino xenomorphs. Also, it looked implied that the other man there was his lover? I couldn’t tell. Cause after he was dead the other dude takes his hand and is looking at his wedding ring and leaning in as if he’s going to kiss him. It was hard to tell. I don’t know if it was to imply they were lovers or it was to imply they were friends and the guy felt bad for his wife or whatever. It wasn’t explained.

Eventually, David comes along and saves the rest of them after a few more die in the albino xenomorph attack. They are taken to a city where that has long since been abandoned and there are a bunch of human corpses on the grounds. After that, they make contact with the ship. David and Walter talk but it’s oddly homoerotic and you find out that David is basically insane cause they gave him too much free will or something.

mv5bmtuxmju4ntm4m15bml5banbnxkftztgwnzczmdy5mti-_v1_cr060640360_al_ux477_cr00477268_al_Another woman who’s name I don’t remember gets killed by a xenomorph. The captain goes to see what the screaming was about. David gets there first and is trying to tame the albino thing but then the captain shoots it and David gets all upset. It turns out David was creating these things. All he needed was some kind of source to incubate them. It was random ass chance that these humans showed up. Now, they kept talking about the Nostromo so clearly you’d think these events happened after the events of Alien right? Except for the fact that all of this implies that David created the Xenomorphs because he could and he was also insane. Seriously this movie pretty much says David invented Xenomorphs, well he designed facehuggers which in turn made Xenomorphs but this also makes no sense. At all.

He takes the captain to some eggs and gets him attacked by a facehugger then sits there and waits for it to burst out of his chest so he can ‘bond’ with the baby xenomorph. At some point Walter confronts him and David seemingly “shuts down” Walter and he falls. He then goes and attacks Danny and acts like he’s going to rape her. Turns out that Walter is an “updated” motel and he wasn’t as dead as David thought he was. They start fighting. Another guy gets attacked by a facehugger but someone cuts it off of him and he has an acid burn. Tennessee breaks protocol with the covenant ship in order to get down there in some kind of cargo loader and picks up the survivors. These happen to be Walter, Danny, and acide burned face guy, and I think a fourth guy? I can’t remember. These characters were very blend into the background and one dimensional.

They spend a crazy amount of time killing the Xenomorph on the cargo ship which makes no sense because the act of just getting up and out into space should have killed it which they should have assumed (it would have at least detatched it from the ship) but they decide to battle it and kill it right then and there. They get back up to the ship and it turns out that the guy who was attacked by the facehugger gave birth to another xenomorph. Yeah.

Danny and Tennessee are just hanging out and realize that another one is on the ship cause the doctor in the medical bay attending to facehugger guy is killed. The xenomorph finds two people having sex in a shower and kills them. Danny and Tennessee lure the thing to an airlock. There’s another kind of underwhelming and pointless fight. The xenomorph is dead and everything is “okay”. Except it’s not. Danny and Tennessee get into the pods to go into their sleep cycle but that’s when Danny figures out that Walter isn’t Walter but that David took Walter’s place. She figures it out right when he triggers the sleep cycle to put her to sleep. Then you see him put facehugger embryos in with real human ones. End movie.

The only characters I liked were Danny and the aliens. Walter was okay and David was pretty cool for an insane android (well acted too) but all in all I’m not sure I cared about any of the crew. Even though I did like Danny it was because of arbitrary reasons that weren’t really specifically in the movie (mostly because she somewhat reminded me of a friend I have and it by default made me want to like her, nothing she actually really DID made me like her). It was entertaining, action packed, gory, and had all the elements of a Ridley Scott alien movie but it left a lot to be desired and asked a lot of questions than it did answer basically anything. I also can’t tell if this is a prequel or a sequal. If it’s a sequel then it implies that David literally created all of the xenomorphs. This would be fine, I guess, if they also didn’t mention the Nostromo or Weyland or the Weyland company as if those people were evil fucks. They also mentioned the Promethus and Dr. Shaw. As if those events already happened meaning it can’t possibly be a prequel. I honestly don’t know what was going on with this movie it was all over the place.

The best I can hope for is a sequel where Danny and Tennessee wake up, they get a way better development arc, and kill the shit out of David and a fuck ton more xenomorphs but until then…I’m going to have to be kind of bored and WTF about this movie. As a fan of the franchise it’s good but it left a lot to be desired.

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